They were doing WHAT??

Today's gem:

"Mom, Liam's being a donkey.."

Me: "A What?"

Random child: "You know, Mom, an A-S-S!"

Me: "Oh. Well, stop being a donkey Liam and leave your brother alone..."

Also, 5 minutes before bed, and the girl child goes:

"Mom, I WEALLY want a Panini!"

Me: "Bedtime's in 5 minutes, kiddo. Sorry...Not. Happening."

(ensues about 20 minutes of whining and fussing, punctuated by her older brother's "Shut UP already!"-s and me fruitlessly threatening to swat her in the butt.

Not sure what swatting would accomplish, anyway: If it WORKED, parents wouldn't have to keep doing it, n'est ce pas?

Yes, I said it...

I'm sure some of you are wondering why I outed my kids as assholes.

And more of you are undoubtedly thankful: "What's that??? I'm not the only one with asshole children???"

Don't get me wrong, I adore my kids, and they know it. They are also aware that Mom has a pretty low threshold for asshole-type behavior.

Touching everything in the canned goods aisle? Yep. Treating the women's clothing section at Walmart like a life-size pinball game? Naturally. Complaining that we aren't eating inside Burger King after I just spent nearly ALL my tip money (minus $20 for driving thru BK) on jackets...again...because my 10yo twins keep losing them?!?!? Unfortunately, true.

And that was just today.